I'm FINE!

Negativity

It is easy to be negative than to be all the time positive

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Positivity

The word itself sometimes killing me

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Why?

I don't know
and I don't want to know
or I just don't even bother to know

Those eyes
Those looks
Those tones

Why are you pushing me away?
Am I that DISGUSTING?


Fine!




Leave me alone!











I'm FINE!



credit: pic - google search

Worthless. Useless. Asking for Sympathy. Damn! You Poisoned My Mind

You said

"..maybe it's time for you to think whether this is the right place for you or not"

My mind went blank. Am I unwanted here? What I am doing here? What's with this disgusting voice?

I was tongue tied. My eyes teary.

I looked at you. You stared at me with that hatred look all over your face.

The look that shows

"You are useless! I don't want you here!"

I couldn't even think of anything that time. Am I that useless? Am I that disgusting?

My mind could only picked up all those harsh words.

"..what do you expect from me? Are you expecting me to sympathize with you?.."

What? Sympathize? What are you talking about?

I know I am not your favorite. But I know I am not a trash. I don't know how to prove. I'm just demotivated and depressed. Please don't throw more harsh words to me. I've had enough!

I'm almost broken. I do have trust issues. I am not confident with myself. I have scars all over my life history. I have phobia in trusting people even to myself. I am too quick to shut the doors close from people entering my life.

Just..please don't make it worse or I will be fully broken.

Unable to heal.

I just don't know my own strength anymore. I don't have confident in everything I do.

I just.. I just.. I just don't feel like I'm not becoming what you wanted me to become and I'm blaming myself for that.

I'm drowning and I need help.. and there you are, with disgusted face looking at me - Why are you keep on putting troubles to other people to save you!

..and I become so hesitate to grab the hands to save myself.

Let me drown! Let me die! Isn't that is what you want?

"I'm sorry for being harsh to you just now"

What? Sorry? I don't know.. I don't know whether I'm able to recover from this pain or not. I don't know whether I'll be able to come back as my old, competent self again.

You will get away with your sorry but I will keep on living with this voice in my head telling me that I'm useless, trying to get your sympathy to live.

You are ignoring me. Even don't even want to look at me now.

I'm just invisible. Useless.

Is that all what you are thinking about me?

..and congrats to you, I've started to believe and convince myself since that day..that yes, I am useless. Worthless. Brings nothing good to you.

The history is repeating again where everyone is leaving me.

Alone. Empty. Painful.




Hatred.






I guess nobody understands. So, I just keep this in my head.

Because whatever I said or going to say, the blame will still on me.





Pic Credit: Google Image Search

Perfume.. The Scent That Reminds Me of Losing You

As I’m walking on the street among the many people
There is a familiar scent, maybe it’s you
As if time stopped for a moment, with the faraway memories
I stood still and looked around

My heart starts to pound without knowing
I guess my heart remembers that perfume
No one else probably noticed, you’re probably not the only one who uses it
But I stop because of that familiar scent

Your scent that made me sad
Your scent that made me stop in place
Makes me think of our love, our memories, one by one

The memories that I thought I erased
I remember them because of that perfume
No one else probably noticed, you’re probably not the only one who uses it
But I stop because of that familiar scent

Our goodbye that is fading away
The painful love, the painful memories
They find me again, making my heart cry
What can I do to forget you?

I keep thinking about your scent
Your scent that makes me miss you
It hurts me more and more, makes me shed tears
I long for you, who has left me, so I am standing still, standing still



Credit to: http://www.kpoplyrics.net/kwill-noel-perfume-lyrics-english-romanized.html#ixzz2sntFGPyf 
Image: Google Search

The Rain Sound..Is That You Calling?

A guy like you is such a confusing set of questions and answers
So I shut my mouth.. I bury love inside the farewell
Outside the window.. the forgotten rain and wind blows

In the wee hours of the night, I hear familiar songs from the radio
It’s perfect for thinking about you
There are two empty cups of coffee
In this place without you, I fight with loneliness

I walk alone on the streets
I go to the cafe I used to go a lot, I go watch a movie

I lock even myself in the memories.. How about you?
This weather.. this temperature.. this passing wind.. will I remember it?
A person to be forgotten like a passing by black and white film
I still miss you as I fall asleep.. but on this a rainy night, I cannot fall asleep

Is this sound of the rain, your voice?
Is this a sound that calls to me?
Am I the only one thinking of you?
Will this rain comfort me?
Do you know how I feel?
I keep thinking of you..

I draw you with a pencil
I erase you with an eraser, that is the falling rain
I draw you out again today..
Will I be able to erase you?

A bright red umbrella
Wet and drenched clothes and sneakers
I turn off and turn on the boiler
Whatever I do, it doesn’t dry

Is that how I feel or is it not?
A confusing set of questions and answers

On a rainy day, I fell for you
We used to love each other so much
It didn’t seem like we had to do this
So my heart hurts so much

From the beginning, I held you in the left side of my heart
..and you thickly remain
Now you remain as a broken fragment that’s deeply engraved inside
You pull me in

I think I lied when I said I could live without you
I throw away my feelings but I still miss you as I fall asleep
But on this a rainy night, I cannot fall asleep

Dear sky, please help me
Please stop this rain
So that I can forget him..

Outside the window, the sound of the rain rings
I remember the memories of us
I can’t live without you..

On rainy days, I always run into you...



For the original lyrics (Credit to): http://www.kpoplyrics.net/bap-rain-sound-lyrics-english-romanized.html

Pic, credit to Google Image and the website related to it (through search)

We Were There..

Bokura Ga Ita (Quotes)

"Happiness is hot chocolate on a cold day." -Yamamoto Nana (episode 3)

"One thing I'm especially good at is finding Yano, whenever or wherever he may be. Because he's the one I love." -Takahashi Nana (episode 4)

"I wish I could rewrite my past. If I could, I'd do all I could... If it would stop you from crying. But... that's impossible. My past won't change. That's why... we need to make my past pale in comparison to our present." -Yano Motoharu (episode 8)

"If people could do things over, I wonder if they... would choose a different path to walk down. Would they choose people they encounter and choose the things that made them happy? If they only picked the hings that make them happy, how wonderful would life be?" -Takahashi Nana (episode 12)

"Why do people make promises they won't be able to keep?" -Takahashi Nana (episode 12)

"Do you know how to forget an old love? You find a new love. You should completely immerse yourself in it. if that new love is true, then the old love will naturally become part of the past. It's not that you can fall in love with someone new because you forgot the old...It's because you fall in love with someone new that you are able to forget about the old. Only love can heal a heart that was hurt by love." -Takeuchi Ayaka (episode 15)

"Whatever you do or don't do, you're the one who always makes the decision." -Takeuchi Ayaka (episode 15)

"No one actually knows what's best or what the future holds. Until you actually see the results, no one ever knows. So at the very least, why don't we rely on what we do know. Let's keep the feelings that we have right now precious. Even though it seems like our lives never change, they slowly do. And just like how we never notice... the changing of the seasons... the same goes for our hearts." -Takahashi Nana (episode 19)

"Ever since I've met you... I feel like... I've lived to meet you." Yano Motoharu (episode 26)

"We were all indeed here. We lived here... I came to love him... I loved her... Receiving so many blessings... and a countless number of feelings... Learning each other's strengths and weaknesses... yes... indeed... we were here." -Takahashi Nana and Yano Motoharu (episode 26)

-credit: http://hikaruyamato.blogspot.com

Darkness

I looked up

I can see nothing

The darkness put up a pitch black color in front of me

Make me feel weak

Feeling hopeless

My eyes got all teary

I wonder what is in this cold night air

Is it dust?

Or is it a sad feeling makes me in denial

Resist to be true to myself

I closed my eyes

and I'm still in darkness

There's no difference of being awake and sleep

Knowing that darkness in my heart

get me all blinded in sorrow stitched all over me

Love is a stone

Hard and cold

Like you..who's getting away from my sight

Haru~

The Silence

Silence...
I can see myself curling up at the edge of the bed
The darkness of the room adding chill in my heartbeat
My mind is wandering
My soul is crying

Am I lost?
Am I sad?

The silence...
Leaving an empty feeling in me
Feeling alone
Feeling abandoned

Am I misinterpreting?
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*Sigh..~*













~Haru