Hey you!
I think I'm in love with you
Not sure how to put it in words
But I know I'm totally into you

Hey you!
You are so fine
Yet I'm so full of imperfection
Guess I can only see you from afar
Hoping you will love me too

Hey you!
I'm touched by your kindness
The accidental second meeting
Have made me keep missing you

Hey you!
I hope I'll see you again
I hope you're feeling the same
I hope you're missing me too
I want you to know that I always do!
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Hey you!
I LOVE YOU~













image credit: Google

Hope

Looking back upon my life, I would say I'd rather be with someone who wants me instead of me begging for a place to be with

I was really hurt last time but now I can really smile
I laugh a lot
I sleep more soundly
Less sick days
I'm happier

If possible I want to erase all the bad memories, bad experience
The hatred that I developed which brings nothing to me

But I know, God has better plans for me
To learn from painful memories
To treat myself positively
To love and appreciate all loving people around me
To be hopeful that it is not the end
That some people are just like that..they love to bring other people down

I'm smiling more
I'm appreciating more
I'm enjoying each and everything more
I'm learning to protect myself more
and I'm worrying less

Hope does bring all the positivity that I need
and for now that's all that I need

At least I'm not that sad
and I'm enjoying my life at the fullest now

~haru

image credit: Google

Taking Risk

I'm moving on
After almost 3 years, I'm giving up
..and yes, that opportunity to escape came at the right time

I do feel sad
In fact, I cried when I finally made the decision
I'm not sure whether this is right
..but I forced myself to just close my eyes and move on

Now they know..
The feedback were as what I expected
They just smile
They just nodded
They just looked down to the floor

"You should be thankful, you get a second chance to prove yourself"
"Ya..it's good for you. You are too stress here. You don't know how to manage your stress here"
"Really? Owh..I thought here is good for you already. Why are you moving to somewhere err..smaller and unknown"

I feel slapped
Painful.
Frustrated.
Hatred.

You don't know how I feel
You don't know what I've went through
You just don't know

You said you understand
..but actually you don't

You said I'm complex
..yet you still punish me for my complexity
..for not being in the same wavelength with you

I just don't care anymore
I don't want to know
I just let go of everything
Why?

Because of you
I'm so fed-up
I've been scarred
My reputation already tarnished
What good can I bring anymore?
Whether I try hard or not, I'm just useless to you
You just refused to recognize me. to acknowledge me.

Just..let me go
Don't bother to think about me
You never did before

Why now?
Just let me be me
Don't say anything
Don't ever wave goodbye because I know it's all fake

You never care
..and never were

Just go away
You've hurt me
and now these scars will be with me forever..

Haru~



image credit: Google

I'm FINE!

Negativity

It is easy to be negative than to be all the time positive

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Positivity

The word itself sometimes killing me

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Why?

I don't know
and I don't want to know
or I just don't even bother to know

Those eyes
Those looks
Those tones

Why are you pushing me away?
Am I that DISGUSTING?


Fine!




Leave me alone!











I'm FINE!



credit: pic - google search

Worthless. Useless. Asking for Sympathy. Damn! You Poisoned My Mind

You said

"..maybe it's time for you to think whether this is the right place for you or not"

My mind went blank. Am I unwanted here? What I am doing here? What's with this disgusting voice?

I was tongue tied. My eyes teary.

I looked at you. You stared at me with that hatred look all over your face.

The look that shows

"You are useless! I don't want you here!"

I couldn't even think of anything that time. Am I that useless? Am I that disgusting?

My mind could only picked up all those harsh words.

"..what do you expect from me? Are you expecting me to sympathize with you?.."

What? Sympathize? What are you talking about?

I know I am not your favorite. But I know I am not a trash. I don't know how to prove. I'm just demotivated and depressed. Please don't throw more harsh words to me. I've had enough!

I'm almost broken. I do have trust issues. I am not confident with myself. I have scars all over my life history. I have phobia in trusting people even to myself. I am too quick to shut the doors close from people entering my life.

Just..please don't make it worse or I will be fully broken.

Unable to heal.

I just don't know my own strength anymore. I don't have confident in everything I do.

I just.. I just.. I just don't feel like I'm not becoming what you wanted me to become and I'm blaming myself for that.

I'm drowning and I need help.. and there you are, with disgusted face looking at me - Why are you keep on putting troubles to other people to save you!

..and I become so hesitate to grab the hands to save myself.

Let me drown! Let me die! Isn't that is what you want?

"I'm sorry for being harsh to you just now"

What? Sorry? I don't know.. I don't know whether I'm able to recover from this pain or not. I don't know whether I'll be able to come back as my old, competent self again.

You will get away with your sorry but I will keep on living with this voice in my head telling me that I'm useless, trying to get your sympathy to live.

You are ignoring me. Even don't even want to look at me now.

I'm just invisible. Useless.

Is that all what you are thinking about me?

..and congrats to you, I've started to believe and convince myself since that day..that yes, I am useless. Worthless. Brings nothing good to you.

The history is repeating again where everyone is leaving me.

Alone. Empty. Painful.




Hatred.






I guess nobody understands. So, I just keep this in my head.

Because whatever I said or going to say, the blame will still on me.





Pic Credit: Google Image Search

Perfume.. The Scent That Reminds Me of Losing You

As I’m walking on the street among the many people
There is a familiar scent, maybe it’s you
As if time stopped for a moment, with the faraway memories
I stood still and looked around

My heart starts to pound without knowing
I guess my heart remembers that perfume
No one else probably noticed, you’re probably not the only one who uses it
But I stop because of that familiar scent

Your scent that made me sad
Your scent that made me stop in place
Makes me think of our love, our memories, one by one

The memories that I thought I erased
I remember them because of that perfume
No one else probably noticed, you’re probably not the only one who uses it
But I stop because of that familiar scent

Our goodbye that is fading away
The painful love, the painful memories
They find me again, making my heart cry
What can I do to forget you?

I keep thinking about your scent
Your scent that makes me miss you
It hurts me more and more, makes me shed tears
I long for you, who has left me, so I am standing still, standing still



Credit to: http://www.kpoplyrics.net/kwill-noel-perfume-lyrics-english-romanized.html#ixzz2sntFGPyf 
Image: Google Search

The Rain Sound..Is That You Calling?

A guy like you is such a confusing set of questions and answers
So I shut my mouth.. I bury love inside the farewell
Outside the window.. the forgotten rain and wind blows

In the wee hours of the night, I hear familiar songs from the radio
It’s perfect for thinking about you
There are two empty cups of coffee
In this place without you, I fight with loneliness

I walk alone on the streets
I go to the cafe I used to go a lot, I go watch a movie

I lock even myself in the memories.. How about you?
This weather.. this temperature.. this passing wind.. will I remember it?
A person to be forgotten like a passing by black and white film
I still miss you as I fall asleep.. but on this a rainy night, I cannot fall asleep

Is this sound of the rain, your voice?
Is this a sound that calls to me?
Am I the only one thinking of you?
Will this rain comfort me?
Do you know how I feel?
I keep thinking of you..

I draw you with a pencil
I erase you with an eraser, that is the falling rain
I draw you out again today..
Will I be able to erase you?

A bright red umbrella
Wet and drenched clothes and sneakers
I turn off and turn on the boiler
Whatever I do, it doesn’t dry

Is that how I feel or is it not?
A confusing set of questions and answers

On a rainy day, I fell for you
We used to love each other so much
It didn’t seem like we had to do this
So my heart hurts so much

From the beginning, I held you in the left side of my heart
..and you thickly remain
Now you remain as a broken fragment that’s deeply engraved inside
You pull me in

I think I lied when I said I could live without you
I throw away my feelings but I still miss you as I fall asleep
But on this a rainy night, I cannot fall asleep

Dear sky, please help me
Please stop this rain
So that I can forget him..

Outside the window, the sound of the rain rings
I remember the memories of us
I can’t live without you..

On rainy days, I always run into you...



For the original lyrics (Credit to): http://www.kpoplyrics.net/bap-rain-sound-lyrics-english-romanized.html

Pic, credit to Google Image and the website related to it (through search)